We Trust the Ones We Know

Today the kids and I were out enjoying the local botanical garden. Breathing in the crisp fall air refreshed our souls, let me tell you! Charlie brought his bike and I pushed Lou in the stroller and we just relished being outside together. We stopped at the gazebo, which Charlie loves, mainly because there is an owl statue in the rafters. He likes to shriek, "OWL! OWL!" and try to jump up and touch it.

Today while there a couple came with two toddler boys and the man was lifting the boys up to actually touch the owl (I'm not nearly tall enough to do that with Charles). He offered to lift Charles up and of course Charles accepted. But when he was lifted above the man's shoulder, Charles refused to let go of the man's jacket collar - too scared to be lifted up several feet. He wanted to, but he just didn't trust the man to keep him safe.

It's hard to trust someone we don't know.

Often I struggle to trust the Lord on something. Why is he allowing this? Why isn't he answering my prayers with a yes? What's going to happen next? What if it's something bad?

But if I remembered what I know to be true of my God, I wouldn't have such trouble trusting him.

Do I really know God's heart? Know it to the point that I feel safe trusting him and his ways?

If I believed that God was completely good and only did good things, would I worry about bad things happening, or would I trust that he knows what he's doing when he allows hard stuff into my life?

If I believed that God knows and cares about my needs, would I fear tomorrow like I do?

If I believed that God's love for me lasts forever, would I doubt my worth and wallow in insecurity?

If I believed that God forgives my sin, would I keep allowing myself to feel condemned and guilty?

Ten to one if Nate had been there to lift Charles up to touch the owl, it would've been much easier for my boy to let go and stretch out the extra couple of feet, because he has a steadfast relationship built with his daddy. He trusts him because he knows him.

How well do I know God? 

Freedom to Love

Kyle Idleman wrote in his book Not a Fan, "Following Jesus is not about trying every day. It's about dying every day." For years I've been coming out from the burden of self-imposed legalism and when I heard those words last winter, they set the last bit of me free.

For years I tried so hard to please God. I knew that salvation from hell wasn't accomplished by my works, but somehow I believed inside that my sanctification - my becoming more like Jesus - was accomplished by my good works. If I do everything right, don't waste a moment of my life, and be as responsible as possible, I will earn God's smile - his "Well done, daughter!"

In my very personality, I want to get things right. I want to make people happy. Unfortunately for me. It became this almost sick obsession. I could take care of the needs of everyone around me and keep them happy. And doing that kept me happy. I felt satisfied. But the satisfaction didn't last and God started showing me that keeping people happy wasn't always what was best for them. Sometimes they needed some things to be hard or to go wrong, so they could learn dependence on God, not me.

And then God began revealing that he loved me just as me and I didn't have to DO anything to make him happy with me. Anything I did for him should be done because I loved him and because we had a relationship - not because I had to earn his favor. Grace is favor we don't deserve. God is so good to us.

But it was hard for me to connect the dots in a practical sense. We still have to put in work on our end of the relationship - that much is evident in the New Testament - we don't become more like Jesus automatically. But I was still trying hard. Too hard. And feeling like I was failing all the time.

That's when I began to understand that following is not about trying and failing. Following is about love. And love is sacrifice. Love is laying down yourself to meet another's needs. Just like God did in Jesus. He died to pay for my sins. The ultimate sacrifice.

Love in any relationship is sacrifice. Sometimes that means giving up the chance to make a person happy so that they can learn something on their own - in particular dependence on God. Sometimes it means stepping in to serve them, over and over again, with no reward. Sometimes it means give and take - you give and are blessed with a return. But you can't have a meaningful relationship with anyone unless you die to yourself in some way.

Jesus talked about this all the time.

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

In his own death, the seed of his life brought forth a never-ending harvest of fruit.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

Taking up our cross means DYING, not TRYING. I don't know how I got it confused but for literally years, when I thought of being Jesus' disciple, I thought of working harder to be a better Christian - giving more of myself and my resources, thinking less of myself, trying harder every day.

But it is relinquishing, not grasping. It is "How can I lay my life down today in sacrifice for my relationship with Jesus?" not "How many things on my 'Be Spiritual' to-do list can I scratch off so Jesus is happy with me?"

This is freedom.

1 John 5 says

This is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.

In a way this verse has always confused me, because aren't commands in their very nature a kind of burden?

But not if they are kept out of love! God gives us commands in love - life goes better when we obey (I am always reminding my son!) - and he wants life to be the best it can be for us. So if I keep them because I love him and trust that what he says is best, I am obeying God because I love him, not because I want him to love me.

Oh, my heart. God is so good. And it is so good to breathe the fresh, free air of grace.

Power in your Words

Words have power. Been thinking lately about how our kids become what we expect of them in some ways. Today I was at a clearance event for a kids consignment store and was sifting through 50% off t-shirts and has to ask myself - "Is part of the reason our kids are so self-centered because we put them in t-shirts that say, 'It's all about ME!'" Or are they jerks because we talk about them like bad attitudes are all they are capable of?

I know it's not completely the reason, but could changing our words help our kids truly see themselves the way God sees them?

It's easy to label your kids. We call our boy "silly" and "crazy" all the time and I can tell he's starting to act that way more when we treat him like that's all he's capable of. I'm starting to use words like "strong" and "gentle" to define him and am seeing how that makes a change in his actions (on a good day, lol).

And what about our lives as adults? When I say all the time how overwhelmed I am, or how tired I am, it honestly is defeating, and in a weird way, I like to feel that defeat because it gives me license to feel sorry for myself. But what if I used words like "blessed" and said things like "My days are full but I have so much to be thankful for"? Then I would be worshiping rather than complaining. And I'd be refusing to let those negative words overwhelm me.

"Life and death are in the power of the tongue." Proverbs 18:21

Book Review: Beyond Bathtime

***I've written here before that God has given me a heart and a passion to write. I read mom blogs daily and am so incredibly thankful that God has laid a burden on so many women's hearts to write for moms. As of yet, he hasn't given me that same burden...my interest for writing lies in several different directions. But I value the blogs and books written by women about motherhood because I am a mom after all! In the past year or so I've read a handful of incredible books about motherhood and want to review them briefly here to encourage other moms to pick up these books and be encouraged. Most of them cost less than $10 on Amazon and are well worth the money.***

Beyond Bathtime
Erin Davis


Not long ago I heard Erin being interviewed on a podcast with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and was so encouraged by her words and her fresh perspective on motherhood from God's Word that I ordered her new book immediately. I just finished reading it today and was so blessed by every chapter.

Erin takes us to God's word to find our perspective for motherhood. Our culture views children as a burden; the Bible portrays them as a blessing. Beyond Bathtime uncovers lies in our culture and lays out the truth from God's word. I had never thought much about what a woman like Eve could teach me about being a mom, or how the fact that God chose for Jesus to come to earth through a womb and be raised by a mom (Mary) shows how he values the role of motherhood. And Erin's perspective on the story of the loaves and fish that the little boy brought to hear Jesus and ended up relinquishing for Jesus to multiply for the crowd blew me away:

Let's trace the journey of that little lunch. Mom packed the lunch. Boy carried the lunch. Disciples noticed the lunch. Jesus blessed and multiplied the lunch. More than five thousand people ate the lunch. And millions know that Jesus is God because the story of this miracle has been told for thousands of years.

That's how mom math works in the kingdom.  (pp 107-08)

Beyond Bathtime includes loads of practical ideas for putting truth into practice. My favorites were in the chapter about celebrating your kids. Her illustrations of how we show by our words and actions that our children really are more of a burden than a blessing really convicted me. Do my kids really know that they are a blessing from God to our family? How do I demonstrate that? Erin had lots of great ideas.

As a young woman I often felt like there were other ministries I would be better off giving myself to than motherhood. God has gradually been changing my heart, so these words from the book struck a chord with me:

If a woman surrendered her life to share Bible stories with children in an unreached people group overseas, we would consider that big and rightfully so. 

But your children are also an unreached people group. They don't come into the world with a knowledge and heart for God. It's your job to teach them, and it's a big job. (p 108)

Beyond Bathtime is not a long book - 10 easy-to-read chapters with questions you can answer to help soak up the information even better or discuss with friends. I've put this book down feeling more than inspired but more so equipped to view my daily life as a mom as actual work for God's kingdom. 

Five Minute Friday: Change

Change.

What a word.

In the past 8 months our family has had more changes than I can count.

We renovated a house and moved into it.

We added Baby #2.

We bought a van.

My husband began a new customer service job and then was hired full-time at the church. Two job changes.

My grandpa died.

My sister got married.

And those are just the outward, big, noticeable changes.

But the little everyday changes add up so much more, don't they?

The little changes in my attitude from day to day, learning to be more thankful, less stressed and less of a control freak.

The little changes in our two-year-old's behavior, his learning to obey, and adding words to his vocabulary, and whining less.

The daily growth and development of our new baby.

My husband's ever changing responsibilities with work and all that we've learned about money and taking care of a home and vehicles.

Change mystifies. But God is constant through it all. So thankful that he never changes and that he guides us every day toward fresh perspectives and new horizons.

Change is good. God is good above it all. 

Days in the Life of Moms

Motherhood makes me laugh.

How about you?

What little things in your day today made you just blink as you thought, "Did I really just see that happen?" or "What did my child just say?"

Today I heard my little man, whose vocabulary consists mainly of action verbs, say to his friends on the playground, "Guys, come!" It reminded me how God showed me that he has the heart of a leader pounding in his little chest. Oh, how I want to cultivate that!

Today I fed my baby girl twice for over an hour straight and then heard her smacking on her fist for more when I put her down. Sorry, kid, you're going to have to wait before you get another course.

Today I was scolding little man for climbing on baby girl and when I actually looked into their faces, both of them were grinning at me. Oh no. It dawned on me for the first time that now my mischief-maker will have a cohort...and it looks like she'll be a willing one.

Today I played soccer with my boy who couldn't stop eating the soccer ball. Is this normal behavior?

Today as I was feeding baby girl, when little man came into the living room with a cup and a pitcher of far more iced tea than would fit into that cup, I heard myself say, "Don't pour. DON'T POUR! DON'T POUR!!!!!!" To no avail. 

Today on my way to an impromptu meeting for the non-profit I work for I realized on my way to drop little man off I hadn't even looked in the mirror before I left the house. I smiled when I saw how messy my hair was and remembered that it got that way when he hugged me from behind and got his hand stuck in it. 

Today as I was feeding baby girl, her little fingers tickled the underside of my arm as she grasped for something to cling to. I love her love of the cozy things in life. 

Today the boy dumped an entire bottle of not cheap natural baby shampoo into his bathtub. The. Entire. Bottle. For the second time in the two months his sister has been on the planet. He's the cleanest little boy in town tonight. And our bathtub is the slipperiest one in town too. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thought has been flitting in and out of my mind lately: 

They're not going to be like this long. 

As I followed little man around the public swimming pool the other night making sure he didn't drown himself at the church party (literally - no joke and no exaggerating momma here, folks), wishing I could be chatting with my mom friends on the side of the pool, it came to me in this form: 

One day he's going to be diving off the diving board and being a daredevil capable of not killing himself inadvertently and I won't have to hold his hand or catch him when he comes down the water slide. And that day is going to come all too soon. 

And so I smiled and kept following him around, more contentedly this time. 

Being a mom is no joke. Add in extra work, whether that's work from home or outside the home or church ministry, or whatever else, and life gets even zanier (is that possible?!). Creating a routine with two littles got difficult quickly, and now adding in my work from home I've felt easily overwhelmed in the past two weeks. 

My violin teacher would always say something like, "Excellence is the sum total of a lot of little things done well." I don't feel like an excellent mother most days. Or an excellent childcare provider, or an excellent pastor's wife, or an excellent administrative assistant. But maybe it's more about the little things done well throughout the day than the overall patchwork of how I think excellence should look. (My life feels like a crazy quilt right now!)

Am I living in this moment, fully living? Full of gratitude, of contentment, of dependence on God?

Then I can laugh instead of cry in the motherhood moments that shock my socks off.

And then I can rest in God's definition of excellence rather than my own.

After all, he's the one I'm living for in the end.

When it's hard, worship.

Tonight someone told me that my life looked perfect from the outside and they asked if I have anything hard in my life. Besides wanting to slap that person, who I was going out of my way to help (pride alert here, sorry...), my mind flew to about 6:00 pm today when I was lying on my bed crying after disciplining my son because he had deliberately wrecked up all the covers on the bed on which  I had just changed the sheets, thoroughly exhausted, completely done with discipline for the day, and dreading the task that was in front of me (helping said person).

Now I am sitting here wanting to eat literally everything in the house, especially anything chocolate I can get my hands on, just to de-stress from my day.  Being a mom of a toddler is the hardest thing I've ever done - and believe me, I've done some hard things in my life. I'm pretty close to saying I would rather take another year of Greek or Hebrew in college than go through what I do on a daily basis, but I'm not quite there yet. :)

No one tells you that when you become a mom that you're going to face waking up every day to a toddler yelling in your face that he's hungry and wants to watch a movie, and then you're going to fix him his favorite breakfast (which he won't eat a bite of) and then have the most unreasonable discussion of your life about what movie he wants to watch. EVERY. DAY.

No one tells you that no matter how many times you discipline your child he will still treat you like you're his slave and disregard everything you say. ALL. DAY. LONG.

(Nate's dad quote of the week: Don't negotiate with terrorists, honey!)

Motherhood is hard. Darn it.

But the thought came to my mind of something I heard the other day. When things are hard, like King David, refocus yourself by worshiping the Lord. 

Today I was reading Hebrews 13:5-6
God has said: ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’.
We, therefore, can confidently say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’

So right now, I just want to say, Thank you, God, for being my defender. Thank you for not treating me with disrespect. Thank you that I'm YOUR child and can be the one running to YOU for comfort and kisses and snuggles, so to speak. Thank you for always being with me - when I'm cleaning salsa off the toilet seat, or chasing bunnies with my two-year-old, or soothing my baby, or popping popcorn for our picnic, or changing the tenth poopy diaper of the day, or resting in the quiet after the kids are in bed. Thank you for the confidence I have that I'm not alone. 

The person I was with this evening also asked me how you apply scripture when times are hard. How do you get through the difficult things. I told them this, and I know it's the truth. Only by choosing to be content no matter what the Lord allows into your life. 

I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances may be. I know now how to live when things are difficult and I know how to live when things are prosperous. In general and in particular I have learned the secret of facing either poverty or plenty. I am ready for anything through the strength of the one who lives within me. (Phil. 4:11-13)

Once upon a time I thought marriage and children were the perfect life and if I could only have those, I'd be happy. I'm so glad God started to show me then the secret of being content was in finding my home in him alone, and not in any place or person. Being married and being a mom are wonderful blessings for which I am incredibly thankful. But they are nothing I can find true satisfaction in without being first content in the Lord. 

No matter what your life looks like, choosing to worship God rather than yourself (in self-pity) is the only way to endure the hardness and be at rest. 

What are you thankful for?