Days in the Life of Moms

Motherhood makes me laugh.

How about you?

What little things in your day today made you just blink as you thought, "Did I really just see that happen?" or "What did my child just say?"

Today I heard my little man, whose vocabulary consists mainly of action verbs, say to his friends on the playground, "Guys, come!" It reminded me how God showed me that he has the heart of a leader pounding in his little chest. Oh, how I want to cultivate that!

Today I fed my baby girl twice for over an hour straight and then heard her smacking on her fist for more when I put her down. Sorry, kid, you're going to have to wait before you get another course.

Today I was scolding little man for climbing on baby girl and when I actually looked into their faces, both of them were grinning at me. Oh no. It dawned on me for the first time that now my mischief-maker will have a cohort...and it looks like she'll be a willing one.

Today I played soccer with my boy who couldn't stop eating the soccer ball. Is this normal behavior?

Today as I was feeding baby girl, when little man came into the living room with a cup and a pitcher of far more iced tea than would fit into that cup, I heard myself say, "Don't pour. DON'T POUR! DON'T POUR!!!!!!" To no avail. 

Today on my way to an impromptu meeting for the non-profit I work for I realized on my way to drop little man off I hadn't even looked in the mirror before I left the house. I smiled when I saw how messy my hair was and remembered that it got that way when he hugged me from behind and got his hand stuck in it. 

Today as I was feeding baby girl, her little fingers tickled the underside of my arm as she grasped for something to cling to. I love her love of the cozy things in life. 

Today the boy dumped an entire bottle of not cheap natural baby shampoo into his bathtub. The. Entire. Bottle. For the second time in the two months his sister has been on the planet. He's the cleanest little boy in town tonight. And our bathtub is the slipperiest one in town too. 

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The thought has been flitting in and out of my mind lately: 

They're not going to be like this long. 

As I followed little man around the public swimming pool the other night making sure he didn't drown himself at the church party (literally - no joke and no exaggerating momma here, folks), wishing I could be chatting with my mom friends on the side of the pool, it came to me in this form: 

One day he's going to be diving off the diving board and being a daredevil capable of not killing himself inadvertently and I won't have to hold his hand or catch him when he comes down the water slide. And that day is going to come all too soon. 

And so I smiled and kept following him around, more contentedly this time. 

Being a mom is no joke. Add in extra work, whether that's work from home or outside the home or church ministry, or whatever else, and life gets even zanier (is that possible?!). Creating a routine with two littles got difficult quickly, and now adding in my work from home I've felt easily overwhelmed in the past two weeks. 

My violin teacher would always say something like, "Excellence is the sum total of a lot of little things done well." I don't feel like an excellent mother most days. Or an excellent childcare provider, or an excellent pastor's wife, or an excellent administrative assistant. But maybe it's more about the little things done well throughout the day than the overall patchwork of how I think excellence should look. (My life feels like a crazy quilt right now!)

Am I living in this moment, fully living? Full of gratitude, of contentment, of dependence on God?

Then I can laugh instead of cry in the motherhood moments that shock my socks off.

And then I can rest in God's definition of excellence rather than my own.

After all, he's the one I'm living for in the end.

When it's hard, worship.

Tonight someone told me that my life looked perfect from the outside and they asked if I have anything hard in my life. Besides wanting to slap that person, who I was going out of my way to help (pride alert here, sorry...), my mind flew to about 6:00 pm today when I was lying on my bed crying after disciplining my son because he had deliberately wrecked up all the covers on the bed on which  I had just changed the sheets, thoroughly exhausted, completely done with discipline for the day, and dreading the task that was in front of me (helping said person).

Now I am sitting here wanting to eat literally everything in the house, especially anything chocolate I can get my hands on, just to de-stress from my day.  Being a mom of a toddler is the hardest thing I've ever done - and believe me, I've done some hard things in my life. I'm pretty close to saying I would rather take another year of Greek or Hebrew in college than go through what I do on a daily basis, but I'm not quite there yet. :)

No one tells you that when you become a mom that you're going to face waking up every day to a toddler yelling in your face that he's hungry and wants to watch a movie, and then you're going to fix him his favorite breakfast (which he won't eat a bite of) and then have the most unreasonable discussion of your life about what movie he wants to watch. EVERY. DAY.

No one tells you that no matter how many times you discipline your child he will still treat you like you're his slave and disregard everything you say. ALL. DAY. LONG.

(Nate's dad quote of the week: Don't negotiate with terrorists, honey!)

Motherhood is hard. Darn it.

But the thought came to my mind of something I heard the other day. When things are hard, like King David, refocus yourself by worshiping the Lord. 

Today I was reading Hebrews 13:5-6
God has said: ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’.
We, therefore, can confidently say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’

So right now, I just want to say, Thank you, God, for being my defender. Thank you for not treating me with disrespect. Thank you that I'm YOUR child and can be the one running to YOU for comfort and kisses and snuggles, so to speak. Thank you for always being with me - when I'm cleaning salsa off the toilet seat, or chasing bunnies with my two-year-old, or soothing my baby, or popping popcorn for our picnic, or changing the tenth poopy diaper of the day, or resting in the quiet after the kids are in bed. Thank you for the confidence I have that I'm not alone. 

The person I was with this evening also asked me how you apply scripture when times are hard. How do you get through the difficult things. I told them this, and I know it's the truth. Only by choosing to be content no matter what the Lord allows into your life. 

I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances may be. I know now how to live when things are difficult and I know how to live when things are prosperous. In general and in particular I have learned the secret of facing either poverty or plenty. I am ready for anything through the strength of the one who lives within me. (Phil. 4:11-13)

Once upon a time I thought marriage and children were the perfect life and if I could only have those, I'd be happy. I'm so glad God started to show me then the secret of being content was in finding my home in him alone, and not in any place or person. Being married and being a mom are wonderful blessings for which I am incredibly thankful. But they are nothing I can find true satisfaction in without being first content in the Lord. 

No matter what your life looks like, choosing to worship God rather than yourself (in self-pity) is the only way to endure the hardness and be at rest. 

What are you thankful for?   

Anniversary time!

3 Years with my Nate.

5 changes of address.

2 children (one coming within two weeks still counts).

2 1/2 years of church ministry as a family.

12 1400-mile round trips from Iowa to Kansas.

Countless Brewers baseball games on the radio.

Maybe just as many meals at Asian King Buffet. ;) Almost.

9 jobs changes between us.

5 seasons of Community.

Lifestyle overhaul for the healthier.

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How do you encapsulate marriage in a few words? It's easy to rattle off a list like that, but when you look at each thing and just think about it all added up... It blows my mind.

It's amazing how God writes your story and how it's YOUR story and no one else's. No marriage but Nate's and mine could look like ours. It's as unique as the people who make it up.

There have been things so far in our story that I haven't loved, but I'm thankful that there has been so much that I have loved. There have been many hard times. Many. Stress that prevailed far too often. But we've worked together through the stress and let it draw us closer to each other and closer to Christ. And I love that.

3 years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. Each year goes faster than the last. But 3 years hold a lot of memories already and I look forward to what the future brings because I can rest in God's love and sovereignty and I'm thankful for the man I married 3 years ago on a Kansas ranch in the summer sunshine and his faithful heart. 

What does your story look like?

Grateful

So I need to write. H.a.v.e to write. I'm pulling my hair out from motherhood and 8 1/2 months of pregnancy (which technically could be classified under motherhood I suppose) and the micromanaging of some people in my life. I'm sick of resorting to Facebook for entertainment and even the good blogs I read are starting to blend together.

Solution: go to one of my favorite blogger's sites and look up last week's Five Minute Friday, where she gives a word and challenges women to blog about that word for 5 minutes. I go to the site and laugh.

Because the word is GRATEFUL.

So here I go.
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Grateful.

Oh the irony. Earlier this morning I sat outside writing a thank-you note to the Lord while my boy and his buddy played in the sunshine. I kid you not...in between every sentence I had to hoist up my 8 1/2 month pregnant body with all its aches and pains and Braxton Hicks contractions and solve some problem. My son chasing his friend with a plastic shovel. His friend wanting to swing and needing help. My son tripping on the sidewalk and bawling his eyes out. My son grabbing my hand and begging mom to "come," because he so desperately wanted to go outside of the yard either through the front or back gate.

I sat down again. I had been just about to pen the words, "Thank you for spiritual rest," in my journal, and as I sat from making my boy apologize for something, I asked the Lord, "Really? Spiritual rest? Do I really have it?" And I knew without a doubt that I did.

The thought came to me, "You don't have to feel something for it to be true."

And so I penned it, and thought about rest. The quiet in my soul even when I want to explode. What grace does within my soul is a pure miracle.

So grateful this morning for fresh beginnings. After a snack and Cars movie, my boy is in so much better of a mood and here I sit sipping red grape juice from a wine glass just because it feels right and sometimes you just need the sugar (if it were tonight believe me it'd be my Riesling...). But God is so kind to me.

In a month or less our baby will be here. Until then, and hopefully as the summer wends on, I look forward each day to rest - soul rest - because of what Jesus has done for me.

And I'm grateful.

When Life is Not OK

Have you ever woken with the realization that things in your life are not OK right now?

Maybe it's grief overwhelming you - the loss of a loved one, or a broken relationship.

Or some pain or suffering in your life that haunts your days.

It could be stress from being too busy - overwhelmed with just life in general. Nothing in your family feels under control or restful anymore.

We can't change circumstances. We can't make pain go away. We can't banish trials from our lives just by wishing they would leave.

Life isn't always OK. I don't like that. I want to be OK. I want to feel composed, in control, and settled. To have that balance of hard work and rest, or of joy and sorrow, or of trials and relief. To know when things are going to settle down or when the pain is going to leave.

But the reality is that we live in a fallen world, where stress and setbacks and pain and grief fill our lives at times. Yet the better reality is that it's OK to be not OK. Circumstances don't have control over our lives. God does. And God's mercies are new every morning.

Andrew Peterson writes,
They walked in the rain of His mercy
Let it soak them down to the bone
And they splashed in its puddles
And danced in its streams as they'd go.

The rain of his mercy. What a picture! Every day God's mercy rainstorm pours down on us. The question is - am I moping inside the house or am I splashing in its puddles, dancing in its streams?

Do I recognize God's mercies every day, even on the days that aren't OK? Am I taking time to thank him? Am I resting in his strength to carry me? Even in the hard times we are surrounded by blessings. But if I don't notice them, humbly accepting his gifts with outstretched hands, acknowledging how much I need him and his mercy, I'm going to stay miserable in the middle of my not OK.

The Lord is at hand;  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-8

Do you see it? Thanksgiving ties directly to peace. 

Today pour out your heart to God - all of the ways you're not OK. Dump it out at his feet, but mingle it with thankfulness. Thank him for his mercies. Feel the refreshing quiet raindrops on your face. It may not take the pain away, or lessen the stress, but it will bring the desperately needed peace of his presence.

Moment by Moment

Lately I've been thinking about living in the present. I'm a very "in the moment" person, so you'd think it would be easy for me to enjoy life since I'm not usually worried about the future. However, I'm so goal-oriented that I often get caught up thinking "What am I accomplishing right now? How am I making this day count?"

Reality looks different from the blueprint in my head. What I consider accomplishments are usually just ticks off a to-do list. Are getting the dishes done or folding the laundry or running errands really accomplishments? What is "accomplishment," anyway?

A definition of the word says it is "an act or instance of carrying into effect; fulfillment." So what am I trying to fulfill? Where do my priorities lie? 

Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever. 

This. This should be my aim. Fulfilling this would be true accomplishment. 

I can best glorify God by giving my life as an act of spiritual service. Dying to myself daily and following Christ. Sacrificing my own will and desires moment by moment to my Savior. And I can only enjoy him as I spend time with him, or as I notice and thank him for his gifts. 

I think that the biggest accomplishments are the little sacrifices. Laying aside my work to play with my son. Putting aside my comfort to discipline him. Ignoring the whining of my weary body to serve my husband. Refusing to believe the lies or give into the temptations of the enemy. Taking time away from my housework to just watch my son at play, or to point out to him the beauty of the winter sunshine and snow. Making a conscious effort to thank the Lord for his gifts, like the fragrance of coffee, or the baby kicking inside me, or the mercy of a situation working out better than I hoped. 

It is a sacrifice for my busy mind and body to savor the moments God gives. I accomplish my "chief end" when I glorify God and enjoy him daily. 

Our baby is coming in June. Before then we will be finishing a remodel of the home we're renting and then moving in there. We'll be visiting Kansas for my sister's wedding. We'll be taking the youth group to a conference. We'll keep working our tails off day in and day out. Several people have asked me, "Are you so ready for the baby to get here?" I'm not a huge fan of pregnancy, I'll be the first to admit. However, I've decided that I really just want to savor life. I want to enjoy being the only one to hold this little person for another 4 months. I want to love the moments with just one little boy running around. I want to settle into a new life in our new home (and with a second family vehicle -hooray!) with joy and not frantically. 

These things are richer accomplishments. 

Just glorifying God and enjoying him today.


 

Five Minute Friday: Small Victories

Small.

This word makes me think of small steps. Little victories.

Like gradually making a habit of doing dishes once a day instead of letting them pile up until I can't see from under them anymore.

Or like the little boy obeying the first time I ask him to do something.

Maybe the little snatch of sunshine or the quiet thank you I whisper instead of a grumble.

I used to think everything had to be perfect. All had to be great. If you can't do something well, try something else.

Now I'm finally, finally starting to get that even the small victories count for something. God doesn't ask perfection. Ever. He just asks for obedience. And "those who are faithful in that which is little will be faithful also in much."

Last night I read, "Every man will proclaim his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?"

I want to be a faithful mom.

Even in the small steps. Especially in the small steps.

Every day I can faithfully do one small thing to make my husband's day lighter, my boy's day more fun, and my own body stronger. Those things will build on each other. Victory comes from God.

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This post is done as a part of Five Minute Friday, an initiative started by Lisa Jo Baker.