Tonight someone told me that my life looked perfect from the outside and they asked if I have anything hard in my life. Besides wanting to slap that person, who I was going out of my way to help (pride alert here, sorry...), my mind flew to about 6:00 pm today when I was lying on my bed crying after disciplining my son because he had deliberately wrecked up all the covers on the bed on which I had just changed the sheets, thoroughly exhausted, completely done with discipline for the day, and dreading the task that was in front of me (helping said person).
Now I am sitting here wanting to eat literally everything in the house, especially anything chocolate I can get my hands on, just to de-stress from my day. Being a mom of a toddler is the hardest thing I've ever done - and believe me, I've done some hard things in my life. I'm pretty close to saying I would rather take another year of Greek or Hebrew in college than go through what I do on a daily basis, but I'm not quite there yet. :)
No one tells you that when you become a mom that you're going to face waking up every day to a toddler yelling in your face that he's hungry and wants to watch a movie, and then you're going to fix him his favorite breakfast (which he won't eat a bite of) and then have the most unreasonable discussion of your life about what movie he wants to watch. EVERY. DAY.
No one tells you that no matter how many times you discipline your child he will still treat you like you're his slave and disregard everything you say. ALL. DAY. LONG.
(Nate's dad quote of the week: Don't negotiate with terrorists, honey!)
Motherhood is hard. Darn it.
But the thought came to my mind of something I heard the other day. When things are hard, like King David, refocus yourself by worshiping the Lord.
Today I was reading Hebrews 13:5-6
God has said: ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’.
We, therefore, can confidently say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’
So right now, I just want to say, Thank you, God, for being my defender. Thank you for not treating me with disrespect. Thank you that I'm YOUR child and can be the one running to YOU for comfort and kisses and snuggles, so to speak. Thank you for always being with me - when I'm cleaning salsa off the toilet seat, or chasing bunnies with my two-year-old, or soothing my baby, or popping popcorn for our picnic, or changing the tenth poopy diaper of the day, or resting in the quiet after the kids are in bed. Thank you for the confidence I have that I'm not alone.
The person I was with this evening also asked me how you apply scripture when times are hard. How do you get through the difficult things. I told them this, and I know it's the truth. Only by choosing to be content no matter what the Lord allows into your life.
I have learned to be content,
whatever the circumstances may be. I know now how to live when things
are difficult and I know how to live when things are prosperous. In
general and in particular I have learned the secret of facing either
poverty or plenty. I am ready for anything through the strength of the
one who lives within me. (Phil. 4:11-13)
Once upon a time I thought marriage and children were the perfect life and if I could only have those, I'd be happy. I'm so glad God started to show me then the secret of being content was in finding my home in him alone, and not in any place or person. Being married and being a mom are wonderful blessings for which I am incredibly thankful. But they are nothing I can find true satisfaction in without being first content in the Lord.
No matter what your life looks like, choosing to worship God rather than yourself (in self-pity) is the only way to endure the hardness and be at rest.
What are you thankful for?